| Some of us go to the
extreme lengths in deciding whether someone is right or
wrong for us. Some of us are on a quest to find that "perfect"
partner, our ultimate lover, our soul mate, our equal,
who shares our every interest and beliefs.
This is a completely unrealistic expectation.
Someone with this expectation causes his or her own
disappointments, and will never experience the satisfaction
of a loving relationship.
We are all individuals, with different opinions,
philosophies, political beliefs, hobbies, musical
tastes, and habits -- some good and some bad, depending
on one's point of view.
These things are what make up who we are as unique
individuals. In a relationship, there have to be some
common interests, but you do not have to share every
possible interest and belief.
Some of the differences between you and your potential
partner may actually be of advantage to building a
stronger, loving relationship between you. Sometimes
you balance one another, each offering different strengths.
For example, if you lack patience, and your partner
is the most patient human being you have ever met,
your partner can help you in situations where you
need to exercise more patience. Perhaps your partner
is an avid skier, and you have always wanted to try
skiing. Now is your opportunity to try something you
have wanted to do.
On the other hand, some differences may cause difficulties
in a relationship. For example, your potential partner
may be a serious hunter: he goes hunting every weekend,
all season long. If you are unhappy about being alone
for so many weekends because of his sport -- and,
on top of it, your values oppose hunting -- his hobby
will probably become a problem. It is all a matter
of the degree of differences that you and your partner
have with one another.
We need to look consciously at these differences
to decide whether we are right for one another. Relationships
are built not only from love and sexual attraction.
They also are built from compatibility, which does
not necessarily mean sameness.
As a couple, some of your differences may be among
your greatest assets towards a successful relationship.
As a couple, you have to share some similar likes
and dislikes, and you have to enjoy doing many things
together, but you do not have to be identical twins.
Each of us has to maintain our individuality. It
is what attracted us to each other in the first place.
Our individuality does not mean that we have a completely
separate life away from our partner. When two people
have totally separate, independent lives, there is
no relationship there: they are only room mates. Many
people choose this type of lifestyle, but it is certainly
not an ideal way to lead a life in this manner.
A relationship is togetherness. You are one with your
partner, as a couple that has chosen to spend their
lives united. You travel life's journey together,
through its peaks and valleys, so that you both might
experience the type of loving, committed relationship
that we all seek today.
Instead of seeking the "perfect" partner,
you need to seek a partner who is right for you. Finding
the right person for you is only the beginning of
this process. Without putting in the work, even the
most perfectly matched couple's relationship will
eventually fade. Many of us learn this the hard way,
regretting that we did not work harder at our relationships
while we still had the chance. Some of us go from
relationship to relationship, hoping to find "the
perfect one," only to find ourselves, down the
road in another relationship, missing an old partner
whom we now recognize, in our heart of hearts, was
the right one for us.