Marriage Matters

"Being responsible meant that one could look after one's family satisfactorily. For a man, it meant working hard to provide for his wife, who in turn would cook, clean, sew, and wash for him and bear his kids. For a woman, it meant being a good home-maker, who had no personal life of her own save that of tending to her husband, in-laws and children. In those days, perhaps, many people did find marital bliss in the simple day-to-day gestures - a husband getting strings of flowers for the wife to wear in her hair, a wife cooking her husband's favourite meal or a couple sharing the achievements of their toddler. It was the time of arranged marriages and women were content playing the role of a housewife.

But, are today's young couples satisfied with just that? Women in urban areas have been exposed too much more than their counterparts from an era gone by. They are now moving along shoulder to shoulder with men. They hold jobs, plan a career, and are not willing to remain satisfied being typical housewives. Today couples go in for "love marriages". They fall in love, court, marry, celebrate Valentine's Day, and gift each other on special occasions! Even movies reflect this change.

Unlike old movies, today's movies are not happy just showing a well-adjusted couple, which knows its responsibilities. They depict marriages where the partners seek much more. In fact, films like Saathiya and Chalte Chalte show how responsibilities and weightier matters in a marriage can cause a relationship to deteriorate. Couples in cities like London, New York or Mumbai feel responsibilities in a marriage need not translate into a dull marital life, sapped of romance. This expectation leads to conflicts between the couple. In both the movies mentioned earlier, the wife maintains that the husband is less loving and attentive than he was before marriage! And that is the case with real life wives, too. Once the couple is back from a honeymoon and the daily grind begins, can a woman expect to return to the life of chocolates and flowers, candlelight dinners and long drives, and of aimless chatter? Is today's woman really seeking romance through these traditional gestures, alone in the hope of recapturing the magic of the courtship days?

Getting real -Priti Lakhani, who is married for only about a year through M.I.L MATCHMAKER, feels that one must learn not to expect marital life to be the same as one's courtship days. "It's just not possible as both of us are working. But, I see romance in my husband calling me several times during a busy day at work. I see romance in trying to make it to the station at the same time, so we can go back home together." It is these little things that matter most for married women living in a cosmopolitan society. But, what about the gifts and the flowers - do they not matter any more?" Sure. That's also there, but not as much as these small gestures, I mentioned," says Priti "Nowadays, we don't go on a gift-giving spree as we did when we were in college. I do not expect him to get me roses. I expect him to be there with me to share my troubles when I am in need. But we do manage to squeeze in the occasional gift!

Impact of Internet –can it improve marriages?

In today’s modern world –nothing seems to move without Internet. At work we are bound by computers and at home, at least in UK, every 3 homes probably own or have access to Internet these days. The Internet has spread its tentacles in every aspect of life today.

So has this any affect on marital relationships? Well apparently not -despite our lives being machine oriented, people have taken this on with a new meaning altogether and make it work for them.

Even after marriage, couples can still send emails to each other. That's powerful for a marriage. In the past, couples were forced to rely on post or spend days at a time never sending any communication back and forth.

Granted, the sound of the voice and a hand-written letter is much more personal, but when a phone is not around and you need to send a note to the wife immediately, email is right there. Even a cute, little email just to say "I love you" seems to do the trick to strengthen marriages and rather than phone calls back to base, email is right there to communicate instantly.

People have taken this so seriously that you cannot do without the power of Internet -from searching on almost anything, to buying over the Internet, get your daily groceries delivered to your home as well even take away dinners. Entertainment , music , news , sport almost anything is accessible and perhaps more time is now spent on the net than watching television as a family.

Infact couples who refer the Internet as the reason for their divorce aren't seeing the whole picture. Just because some guy found a new love through some dating site, doesn't mean he would not have done something similar without the Internet. The Internet just makes it easier and quicker as a tool to use in a modern society where quality time is a key factor which people do not seem to have these days.

Gradually women now seem to understand the premium of togetherness; that in the long run it is the deeper affection and bond that counts and the daily grind may be bitter, sweet or even sour. But, it is up to each couple to make good of it.